Suburban Dictionary Explains How To Get Laid

So you’re trying to get frisky with the ladies, but you’ve been striking out? Don’t worry. Suburban Dictionary will help you bang the girl down the block. Results vary by age, but the basic principles are the same. Here are a few nuggets of wisdom.

The thing you have to remember is that women are not as interested in sex as you are. It is true that they often hide the degree to which they want it, but that doesn’t mean they want it as much as you do. If they did, it wouldn’t be so hard to get sex from them. Duh! Because of this difference, you have to understand that a randomly-given come-on will almost always fail. So, you have to hunt for Tang strategically. Also, keep in mind that you have to approach getting laid differently than getting into a relationship. Do not follow the advice ‘just be yourself.’ After all, how has that been working out for you?


You don’t have to be good looking to get laid. Ashton Kutcher and Brad Pitt aren’t the only ones getting it in. You just have to put in some effort and appear as if you are doing so.

  • Hygiene

Have a good haircut and stay as clean as possible. Make sure that you smell good, with fresh breath and light cologne. Check your lips and eyes for crust throughout the day. They are automatic deal breakers.

  • Facial Hair

You should have facial hair to increase your sex appeal. Clean-shaven guys lack sex appeal, unless they have sharp jaw lines. Do you have a sharp jaw line? If not, grow a goatee, mustache, or groomed beard. Santa Claus beards actually turn women off, so keep it very tame.

  • Clothes

There is no single clothing style that appeals to all women, but rest assured that women want clothes that are free of wrinkles and stains. Keep it fresh at all times. No exceptions.

Slang Dictionary


Women want to have sex with someone successful or clearly headed there. Call it evolutionary, cultural, whatever. It doesn’t matter where it came from because it will factor into getting laid regardless. Don’t brag to women about how large your bank account is or how smart you are. Just make it clear that you have a car, a job, and that you are striving for more. You want to seem valuable so that they feel as if they are porking someone who’s worth it.

Where to Go

The best places to find women who will give you easy sex are bars, nightclubs, and parties. This is because they will be more likely to have lowered inhibitions as a result of drinking alcohol. Plus, the women who aren’t actually drunk can blame their horniness on the alcohol.

(One important side note- do not try to get women drunk by buying them drinks. A lot of women take advantage of guys who want to get laid by buying them drinks. Usually the woman gets what she wants and walks away. Do not fall for it. Talk to women who are drinking already or who appear drunk. Do not hit on stiff women who are sitting at the bar with nothing.)

What to Do

Act as smooth as you can. This puts the girl at ease and makes it seems as if you are a person of great value. There is nothing worse than awkwardness. Awkwardness seems like guilt or judgment within the guy. Women are likely to feel vulnerable in the dating world, so if it seems as if you are awkward, it may look like you’re hiding something. If you’re hiding something, the girl may fear that you are a serial killer or a rapist. You’ve heard of the word ‘creeper’, right? Yeah, your awkwardness actually scares women. Fix it.

While you’re interacting, make sure you smile and maintain eye contact. Smiles are contagious, and they bring good feelings. Eye contact can intensify your connection and establish your dominance. Try to compliment the girl early on about something non-physical (e.g. her dress, shoes, etc.) so that she knows that her effort in improving her appearance is appreciated. It also reinforces your value because you place yourself in a position where you can make positive judgments about her.

Once you have chatted with her, leave the conversation. After an hour or so, come back. Suggest that you go to another place to get some fresh air. A 24 hour breakfast place or somewhere that serves dessert would be best. It’s good to go somewhere else because interacting in multiple locations tricks the mind assuming that you know each other. At the end of the night, suggest coffee or watching a movie together. Don’t specify that you want it at your place. Most importantly, don’t be awkward about it. Keep it cool!


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